My weakest subject at school was English.
I essentially failed all high school English to the point where I checked out of standard English class and into the easier version titled English Communication.
I started high-school with classes such as Economics and Legal Studies, but within a few months I had swapped to Arts and Drama, and proceeded to enjoy who I was rather than what I thought I should be.
Year 11 and 12 had me skip (wag) many classes in favour of hanging out with friends. I fell off the straight and narrow path as my rebellion came out while I worked through the experience of parents’ divorce and the pressures I put on myself. When I couldn’t keep it running smoothly I found I rebelled in life to distract my empathic self from taking it all on and in.
I ended up in a relationship that took me away from my home town and into the midst of verbal abuse. As I sat stunned at my position I allowed the rebellion to return as I finally made the break and partied my way back in with Mum.
I found the more I allowed myself to lean into the feeling, even if that lead to rebellion, the better I came out on the other side.
As I began to work through these feelings I found myself also seeking to began tertiary studies. I went on to complete back-to-back diplomas.
As life settled and I found my feet in my own personal space, I also got myself into gear and focused career wise.
I may have fallen out of touch with my true self from time to time over the years, but as the waves of calm retuned, I soon found my way back to the crafts and soon enough my writing.
I slowly became a writer after little snippets of notes and stories emerged from me over the years.
A writer, someone who failed English. But that thought never posed a block to me. I knew poetry and storytelling came out of me naturally and so I let it. I embraced it for what it gave back to me, for how it filled me, for the honour to the muse, to the gift of inspiration.
I never ever thought, ‘hang on, I failed at English, writing is a bad idea’. I merely smiled at the power I held in pushing through the extra challenge it posed. I never liked learning about spelling or grammar, yet I forced in little bits of it here and there.
I made it work for me by paying for a proof reader for each article and still do to this day.
I continue to invest time and substantial money with no expectation of return. I do it for what the giving process gives me.
I encourage you too, to step back, away from the noise of all the should do and expectations and find what sits deep within you. It might come from listening to the curiosity, following what interests you have or leaning into what you enjoy.
You are clever, far too clever to be the only thing standing in your way.
And if anything, you might find what early life told you was a weakness might end up being the area of your strength.
Darkness and desires,
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