My Most Recent Jump into the Abyss, S#!t Scared but so ‘Effin Happy
What a ride!
What a rush.
What a way to live.
I have made the awesome habit of finding things that scare me and I lean into them. It has been the best thing I have begun to regularly do for myself.
It started with turning to a life of simplicity by reducing a five-bedroom house of possessions into only five boxes of essential items to move three thousand kilometers with.
Doing what scared me continued as I started this blog and began posting my thoughts and feelings publicly to help others learn and grow. I continued further with a trip overseas alone in 2014, and most recently, I quit my job with no other job or income source lined up.
I didn’t have a much in savings, and I certainly still had bills coming in. I was living in Australia’s second-highest ranking unemployment State. You could say it was a silly decision. But what I also took into account was my mental health. I was in a job that was far from right for me. The energy of it was going in the complete opposite direction to the energy in me. The job was weighing me down, drowning my soul and leaving me in an unhealthy place.
When it got to the stage where I felt I would be happier in any number of other jobs, it didn’t really matter what, then I knew it was time to go. I had thought about it so much that when I made the decision and put in notice it wasn’t a surprise to me, nor was there much left to think about.
But I also didn’t go and shout it from the roof-tops. I actually held it in from everyone for at least a week before I started to tell close friends and family. I have good common sense, am practical and I am quite independent, so to think I had put myself in a position that shook the stable ground left me with a number of sleepless nights.
At the end of the day I told myself; a. I knew I couldn’t stay, and b. I have enough smarts to figure something out. So I leapt and hoped that net would appear.
I gave four weeks notice and stayed on casually for an additional four weeks. The first four weeks passed and I had no leads on the job front. I went to an employment agency and applied for multiple jobs online. I know I want to make my writing and coaching my full-time work one day but the reality is it isn’t at the stage where I can give up a secure income.
Another week passed before a colleague offered to pass on my resume to another company.
The good news is I was successful in getting a contract position with the company and start the Monday following my final Friday in the old job – fate eh!
But wow, what a rush it all was. I leapt and fell for a long time before I knew when the ground would appear. I have no doubt I worried more than necessary.
That is something that concerns me a little with this whole ‘leap and the net will appear’ movement. Yes, there is definitely a time to do stuff that scares you. There is a time to trust the process and when your health is concerned that definitely adds huge influence to a decision.
At the end of the day it really is one to weigh up, consider all your options, plan for the worst but hope for the best.
Above all, do what is best for you. You are your top priority and you need to take care of yourself. You need to get rest, yet find the time to exercise. You need to eat well but enjoy a pizza and wine with friends. There is time to save and time to spend, a time to retreat and times to push on.
At the end of the day you are going to make some mistakes. The best bit is that is when you will grow the most. Be easy on yourself when it happens, have a chuckle, get up, dust yourself off and smile at the lesson learned and get on with it quickly – don’t dwell on the fall – fall fast and get on with it.
In all I have done I am happy in the less-than-admirable pieces of my journey as I know I have done the best I can. I haven’t got here on the simplest route or the sanest. I haven’t always made the wisest decisions and am still correcting some of those I took hastily. But I stand firm and proud in what I got right and know it took the mistakes to get there.
Thomas Edison failed in his first thousand attempts at the light bulb. When a reporter asked Edison how it felt to fail a thousand times, he replied, ‘I didn’t fail a thousand times. The light bulb was an invention with a thousand steps.’
Weigh up your options and if it is right for you, take the risk – there is always a reward – either in the chance of success or the growth of a lesson.
I have grown in ways I couldn’t imagine before I pushed myself into risky business. I have learned more about my strength and agility than I could have given myself credit for before. I have noticed my mind, creativity, optimism, and peacefulness blossom.
I have become a bit of a life adrenalin junkie. The rush is similar to that of an extreme sport; the worry, the anxiety, but the relief and sheer happiness to come out the other side and have your life grow and morph into this amazingly enjoyable journey of laughs at the losses and inner grins at the wins. It is something I am addicted to.
I literally beam from the inside out. It has taken me a couple years working through these different fears but the more I do, the happiness compounds and the brighter, lighter and more alive I get everyday.