She does a pretty amazing job but I need a different style of guidance at this moment.
It isn’t guidance that needs too much conscious thought.
Sometimes, guidance just needs to be instinctual.
I crave to get back in touch with my soul self, that which we can lose touch with too easily with our adult responsibilities.
I want to be led with the wisdom of a child that approaches with a sense of wonder and puts away a bit of the worry, anxiety, overthinking and fear that our years allow in.
After an amazingly productive time of intense focus and hard work I crave reckless abandon for a while. I desire more fun, experiences, exploration and surrender.
I just want to feel, breathe, learn, explore, inhale a sense of wonder, and exhale a calmness of simpler times.
I am going to go grab a picnic rug and lay in the sun making out the shapes of the clouds. Then go off and build mini-forts of sheets and blanket so I can hibernate in them with my favorite book. I will emerge when the stars are beckoning me to go back to my picnic rug and center myself in their glow.
In the faint blue glow of the night sky I will be reminded with a feeling that I am small in this universe but I also have a big part to play. I have the power to be the moon that shines in the dark.
I will listen to my body and take rest when I need to conserve my energy and reduce that moon glow to a faint light in the shape of an almost closed eye that represents my most relaxed position, almost asleep, gaining energy to awaken bright and recharged.
I will awaken with eagerness and passion for life. I will kiss and hug new friends. I will see all animals as friends and stare at the ants pondering how alike we really are in this big world with our living, breathing, and movement, and that is amazing to be so alike yet so different.
I want to lean into people and drink them up, learn from their stories, praise their strength and sit in wonder of their light. I want people to unveil themselves to me as they do with children, how they teach them little wonders of this world like how to feel the air flow push and pull their hand just outside the car window and laugh together as we see what silly tricks we can do with our body, you wiggle your ear, I giggle and flare my nostrils.
I want ice cream to give me a tummy ache in replacement of hangovers, and to be given the mixers to lick the cake batter off again.
I want to play with toys and create stories with my friends, or run around screaming as we play catching and kissing then fall over and giggle.
And after a big day when I am all sleepy and fighting the weight of my eyelids I want to run up to my mother and fall in her arms and in that moment, in a mother’s embrace know all is right with the world for I am loved, and that is more than enough.
My head will hit the pillow and I will fall asleep instantly and dream of happily ever after.
Then I will awake, again 32, and I will remember the child that is part of me and I need not forget, or keep her hidden in my adult life.
I am both five and thirty-two.
I am alive and I love the sun, and stars, and my place amongst them.
I will hug you good-bye and I will want to truly hear how your day was.
And if you hang around long enough I will even show you how well I can flare my nostrils, but only after you show me your silly trick.
I am comfortable with me.
Come, be comfortable in yourself.
Let’s laugh, explore, and enjoy this very day.