The 31 Most Important Lessons of My 31 Years


In no particular order

  1. You will die. Sounds so dramatic but it is the surest things in your life. Understand and be fully aware that all you ever really have is this moment. There will be a day when the world is less you. You need to accept this and use it as motivation to say and act on what is in your heart with regard to love, forgiveness, encouragement and support.

  1. Kisses, hugs, handholding and daily human contact are underrated. These are amazing experiences. You should immerse yourself fully in any moment they are in your life and to give these moments more freely.
  2. You are more beautiful/handsome than you think you are.
  3. You have your own language. Your own life experiences shape how you communicate, both outwardly and inwardly. The same words can be heard hundreds of different ways. Learn all you can about communication.
  4. Just because someone doesn’t love you how you want to be loved doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. Seek to understand the people in your life, not change them.
  5. A healthy relationship is one where you want the best for the other, not idly sitting by but shaking things up a little to help each other reach your full potential. Show each other the obstacles and vices that are too close to sometimes see and then support each other to overcome them. Show each other the true potential you are often too afraid or self-doubting to see in yourselves.
  6. You can only support, not heal another. They will need to heal themselves. Be there, offer guidance and support but ultimately when someone needs to heal, they will need to find the right time for them and you cannot push them into that time.
  7. A focus on material possessions will cloud your life. Minimalism will set you free.
  8. Sometimes you need to make decisions for others to protect yourself.
  9. Respect will get you further than love. Love can be needy or clingy even when it is honest and well intended because of people’s different needs but respect can build a solid foundation for discovering the right language of love.
  10. Love is worth fighting for but you cannot be the only one fighting.
  11. Don’t lose yourself just because you found somebody else. People you should surround yourself with will celebrate the person you are. Never lose sight of yourself at your core, through your own distractions or those of people around you.
  12. Distance/space is necessary in everything. Distance in friendships, relationships and from day-to-day of life. This gives you time to process, appreciate, learn and grow.
  13. Faith feeds your soul.
  14. If someone wants you in his or her life, they will make room for you, and invite you in wholly. If you find yourself asking for space, walk away.
  15. Fights/arguments are, at their core, about fear.
  16. Always look for ways to grow as a human being. Read self-development books, learn about yourself, how you communicate, how you love, what you need from friendships, relationships, day-to-day life and how to act in response to the needs of those all around you.
  17. Put yourself first (in your life).
  18. Put your partner first (in your relationship).
  19. It is never too late to reach out, say sorry or give a compliment. It may not save a relationship or change the outcome, but recognising that the other person deserves the whole story, an apology, a compliment, etc., will always be appreciated if done with your whole heart for the right reasons.
  20. Don’t rush things that need time to grow. You need to recognise that in most cases, time is your best foundation.
  21. Maybe there are no ‘right’ answers in life – being right is a matter of perspective – but there is a ‘right’ answer for you.
  22. In communication, there is never an appropriate time to raise your voice. Anger is your own doing, often though your own interpretation, or misinterpretation. Remain as calm as you can or come back, if you must, and discuss when you can be calm, but explain this, don’t just storm off.
  23. Respect the timing of things, don’t try to control it. You need to respect the things timing brings into play or doesn’t and understand it is out of your control – find a way to accept that, whether it is a relationship, job, goal, holiday, etc.
  24. Extremes should be tried out every now and then. What might seem an extreme measure may often be the shake-up you need. At first, I thought minimalism and a 10-day meditation camp would be extreme but they were exactly what I needed.
  25. You often create our own heartbreaks through your expectations. You need to find ways to try to accept reality as it is, not as you want it to be.
  26. Try not to let your wounds turn you into someone you aren’t.
  27. Control your cravings, don’t let them control you. Exercising your will power is healthy and strengthening.
  28. ‘I am all the things that break me, I am all the things that put me back together.’ AdmireMyQuote
  29. Your best intentions and acting with your whole heart can be turned around and thrown back at you from misguided interpretations. Hold steady to being the best person you can be, as heartbreaking as this will be.
  30. It took me 31 years to learn and appreciate these lessons.


  1. […] Earlier this year I wrote The 31 Most Important Lessons of My 31 Years. […]

  2. […] Another example is that I have recognized of late I have been caught up in lots of study and reading. I have signed up for a few courses and not allowed myself the time to sink into each one. I have added a chaotic element to my life that is taking over my spare time. I cannot keep up. I hadn’t allowed enough down time and I was giving myself a hard time not fitting it all in. I was seeking personal growth desperately and had gone against one of my lessons already learned, ‘don’t rush things that need time to grow’. […]

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