Rejecting Superwoman – No, I don’t want to do it all

In a day and age when we can do anything and everything we are encouraged to.

We are encouraged to have the education, get a great job, become a mum, go to all the soccer practices, don’t miss a moment in person, captured on video, study some more, stay fit, get out and travel.

We go out and fight for equality, make a stand for what is right in an effort to hold the world together as the caring culture falls apart at the seams, then we come home only to continue leading, holding our selves to account to have a home of care and encouragement as this is the right thing to do and so it must go on our list of required, behaviours and leadership traits in every waking moment.

Oh, and did you fit in there the spiritual retreat, and hire your PT to ensure you remain your best throughout all this and continue chasing your dreams in your spare time.

Well, I think all that noise can piss off – I don’t want it.

Now, I am not saying we shouldn’t make a stand or do or not do any of these examples.

 

But what needs to be said is that trying to do all this is exhausting, wearing us down and stunting our joy.

 

 

The joy that comes from the freedom to explore and chase curiosities – or even have nothing to chase.

The joy from an unplanned day.

The joy in spaces of time and place.

The joy from not having a to-do list that you didn’t get all ticked off so you don’t have the guilt of not getting it all done despite what you did get done.

Sure, I can do it all, but I don’t want to.

 

I want the downtime created by handing over the reigns and maybe not having the most nutritious meal.

I just want to have a Saturday with nothing on so I can fill it with sleeping in, eating breakfast slowly then sip my coffee in the morning sun – with absolutely no pressure.

I want the space in my life to be able to uncoil from all the stress, expectations and demands of the world, and the ones I put on myself.

I don’t want to do it all.

I want to do a couple great things but that is more than enough because I also want space to play and time to ponder.

I acknowledge that my growth, my life and the best future for me will come when I allow it the space to, rather than demand it to with tasks and lists.

 

It is great to know I can do whatever I want – but I don’t want to do it all.

 

I think Superwoman is a great role model for all we can do – but she is better left on the screen for I acknowledge only superhuman powers will enable you to do it all and not break.

And so, with the summer ahead I clear my obligations. I release the reigns and I am sinking into the backseat of life for a while, enjoying the view out the window and letting the warm breeze flow through my hair.

 

A Little Coaching Session

The change of seasons brings about a desire to also shed parts of ourselves and an even bigger desire to step into that space we dreaming of seeing ourselves in.

For some of us that space is about:

  • carrying a sense of peace and presence throughout the day,
  • for others it is finding a way to stick to the health/diet change, some will have a dream that they haven’t been quite able to find the pieces that make it all come to life,
  • some are working at their new business but find they cannot quite picture the longer term direction,
  • and some cannot even put their finger on what that feeling is.

I do the work on this once to twice a year for myself and my business where I immerse myself in my own coaching skills and work through, from the unknowing, clarifying and further refining until BAM – I have my next six months to a year clear and right in front of me for my next step to be taken into.

Whilst it is a little difficult to run through a coaching session with you without your answers, I do have a little self-reflection set of questions that provide some key insights if you really sit with them and let the answer unfold. A neat trick I like to use is to ponder the question before bed and then let my subconscious work on it over the night to a few days.  I find the answer emerges in time or that when I revisit the question a new angle comes to into my conscious mind.

These questions each stand alone. Working on all of them all at once will create a bit of a cloudy mix of emotion inside. Instead pick a key one or two at a time to sit with (paired off for you):

What/where are you currently hiding?
What are you losing sight of?

What support do you need right now? How can you get it/ask for it?
What shouldn’t you tolerate, but maybe do? Why?

I really miss…
I want to create …

An answer I am waiting for is…
When I am the situation of … I feel out of alignment with my true self.

What am I escaping…
I am not quite ready to deal with …

My body is craving …
My soul is craving…

It is deep work to come face to face with spaces of ourself we have lost touch with over the chaos of everyday life.  It is amazing of you to take the time to really get back in touch with yourself.

If you are looking to go deep and clarify, check out the Coaching Page for more info.

 

 

 

Life IS About Feeling Unsure, Uncertain and Afraid

Let’s embrace the reality.

We are unsure.

We are afraid.

Most of us don’t have a single defining purpose, and that is what is real and true.

I am asked what I want to be still at 34 years of age like each change is supposed to be heading my ‘life/career/hobbies’ in a specific direction.

For me, life does have other plans and rather than get frustrated when my initial direction takes a turn I have learnt more wisely to enjoy the ride. These unexpected turns have led to some of life’s biggest joys and breakthroughs.

The breakdown of a dream is hard, stagnation sucks and mistakes are embarrassing, but they are also a part of life.

The life flow I have learnt to be ok with has included years of feeling lost, sometimes career wise, sometimes personally, sometimes in every single area of life. There have been times where I feel like I have gone backwards and some, where I have felt held down.

It is extremely hard when you’re left without an answer or direction.

Whilst it is hard, I now practice surrender. I am learning to ride the wave of it without letting nausea take over, knowing the feeling of being a lost ship does result in turning up on a beach somewhere but that never feels soon enough in the storm.

There is a lot of noise about pushing yourself to be, to do, to define it all and I am over that noise. Turn it off!

I wrote about how sometimes no answer is THE answer, read about it here.

I have learnt that being held down is still leading me somewhere – time will go on and the sun will rise again. The last lull forced me to come back in and find a pause. To be okay with the stillness and uncertainty in direction. And oddly enough only when I found a settled space in myself and surrendered to being there did the new direction appear – it was a

The last lull forced me to come back in and find a pause. To be okay with the stillness and uncertainty in direction. And oddly enough only when I found a settled space in myself and surrendered to being there did the new direction appear – this most recent voyage spanned two long 2 years.

Let’s more wisely recognise that life is all about cycles. Sometimes we will be uncertain, sometimes we will fall, get stuck and not know what it is all about or for.

And that is so very okay.

 

 

 

Photo by Daria Nepriakhina on Unsplash

The Space Between Pursuing Everything and Pursuing Nothing

I find most people are in one of two categories. They are either trying to do everything or nothing much.

There is no right or wrong.

There is no big life rule that says you must push yourself to achieve all you can possibly achieve, nor is there any rule that says you must spend your down time as just that and nothing else.

Yet, we guilt ourselves no matter our situation.

Those chillin cats savouring the fruits of their laborious working hours with slow walks, a good TV series and a number of well read books are watching the busy bees pondering if they should also be striving to achieve in their downtime.

For the busy bees, there is guilt in not achieving enough, fast enough or successfully enough with the flipside guilt they are not getting enough downtime, whilst asking them self, ‘What is the most productive way to have downtime?’

I am a busy bee and I do look on a little enviously at the relaxing downtime of those chillin cats. But I acknowledge I cannot sit still for long periods of time. My ideas would swell inside until I burst.

Just a someone who enjoys their unscheduled downtime should definitely dive into that guilt free.

I appreciate the calm and steadiness someone who can chill brings into my life. I need them. They balance me. Just like I need other busy bees to buzz around with sometimes.

There is no doubt the chilling cats need a buzzer to sometimes pull them along. But they also need times with other chillin cats to be at ease without having to discuss what to do, how to do it or where to go.

The key is losing the guilt and finding your unique flow into one, the other and the spaces in between as it works for you.

It is important to check in with yourself to make sure you are ok; you are not running yourself ragged, nor are you letting life’s dreams float on by.

All in all, being the person you are is the perfect way to be.

There is no guilt in being who you are; a busy bee or a chillin cat – just be you.

 

Photo:  Jorunn Lorenzen

9 Tips to Simplify Stuff

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Reduce rather than reorganise.

Only purchase to replace.

Go home and evaluate what you have got and where you will place it, consider how you will use it and check nothing else could do the job.

Keep clear bench tops and tables, this will help you remain in check about putting everything away and bring about a really enjoyable spacious feeling.

Do a little each day. Clean up one draw, one counter whenever you have 5 minutes spare. Don’t consider where to start, just start with what is closest.

Distance reduces the emotion. If you haven’t used it in 6 months and still cannot bear to part with it, pack it away for a few months and then revisit it.

Forget sales/bargains. Only buy what is on the shopping list. A $1 spent on a $2 item is still a $1 spent and those add up – and double in value when placed on debt.

Crowd out excess shopping with a new intentional hobby.

Consider with intention your TV time, particularly if you have multiple TVs in your home. Redirecting this time also reduces your exposure to commercials which impact our buying significantly.

Instead of trying to stop doing what you don’t want to – crowd it out with more of what you do want to – focus there and arrive.

 

 

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