A Little Coaching Session

The change of seasons brings about a desire to also shed parts of ourselves and an even bigger desire to step into that space we dreaming of seeing ourselves in.

For some of us that space is about:

  • carrying a sense of peace and presence throughout the day,
  • for others it is finding a way to stick to the health/diet change, some will have a dream that they haven’t been quite able to find the pieces that make it all come to life,
  • some are working at their new business but find they cannot quite picture the longer term direction,
  • and some cannot even put their finger on what that feeling is.

I do the work on this once to twice a year for myself and my business where I immerse myself in my own coaching skills and work through, from the unknowing, clarifying and further refining until BAM – I have my next six months to a year clear and right in front of me for my next step to be taken into.

Whilst it is a little difficult to run through a coaching session with you without your answers, I do have a little self-reflection set of questions that provide some key insights if you really sit with them and let the answer unfold. A neat trick I like to use is to ponder the question before bed and then let my subconscious work on it over the night to a few days.  I find the answer emerges in time or that when I revisit the question a new angle comes to into my conscious mind.

These questions each stand alone. Working on all of them all at once will create a bit of a cloudy mix of emotion inside. Instead pick a key one or two at a time to sit with (paired off for you):

What/where are you currently hiding?
What are you losing sight of?

What support do you need right now? How can you get it/ask for it?
What shouldn’t you tolerate, but maybe do? Why?

I really miss…
I want to create …

An answer I am waiting for is…
When I am the situation of … I feel out of alignment with my true self.

What am I escaping…
I am not quite ready to deal with …

My body is craving …
My soul is craving…

It is deep work to come face to face with spaces of ourself we have lost touch with over the chaos of everyday life.  It is amazing of you to take the time to really get back in touch with yourself.

If you are looking to go deep and clarify, check out the Coaching Page for more info.

 

 

 

Rejection Creates Freedom

Deep in the pit of our heart sits fear of rejection, neatly tucked behind fear of not being enough.

The times we have experienced it.

The fear of refacing it.

That deeply burrowed seed of not being enough.

We convince ourself of perceived rejection, blowing someone else’s fear and rejection – their reactions of hurt – we take and make our own. A cycle arising from not being in touch with what sits behind our fear and so continue the lash out cycle rather than find a way to say what catches in our throat, but doesn’t make it past the lips.

Mostly because we don’t dare acknowledge it.  The fear arises from our heart and our head rejects it, creating anger, rage, frustration, stress as a more tolerable way of letting the energy of it out.

When it arises could we seek to clarify rather than assume?
We often don’t out of fear of true rejection, despite the low chances. We would rather take all the assumed rejection rather than the true 5%. Crazy that we allow our fear to pull in feelings of rejection 95% of the time just because we won’t get out of our own way.

And that 5%. It’s not really there either. That 5% that we did seek to clarify is only someone else’s ideal. It isn’t who we are. But again we give away the power to stand firmly grounded in the truth of doing the best we can, acknowledging all our good intentions. We give away that most precious part of ourselves every day of our life.

You know – we don’t have to accept criticism. We don’t have to take it in.

I struggle with how difficult it is daily to truly live in the spotlight of my magnificent worth.

I know my heart wants so much good for me, sees it in others and strives for it in the world.

If only the doubt monsters didn’t create a daily struggle that pulls on my attention. They are death by a thousand cuts, always nipping at our heels, like the bit of dog shit we cannot quite scrape off, that disgusting smell that lingers.

But, I am practising at having the tough conversations.  I am asking why and all I am finding are reasons that have nothing to do with me, and everything buried in another’s fear of rejection.

And the best bit, rather than be another channel that reinforces their hurt, by asking and clarifying I can give support and love.

Where darkness shadows take a light, not a bat. See what is truly there instead of fighting imagined demons.

Your strength to do so is in the truth of all that is amazing in you-you know it’s there.

Please, join me, let your amazingness come shining out of you, bright enough to help light the darkness of another.

Let’s take a light, not a bat and bring love where there is hurt.

 

 

Photo by Lesley B. Juarez on Unsplash

Life IS About Feeling Unsure, Uncertain and Afraid

Let’s embrace the reality.

We are unsure.

We are afraid.

Most of us don’t have a single defining purpose, and that is what is real and true.

I am asked what I want to be still at 34 years of age like each change is supposed to be heading my ‘life/career/hobbies’ in a specific direction.

For me, life does have other plans and rather than get frustrated when my initial direction takes a turn I have learnt more wisely to enjoy the ride. These unexpected turns have led to some of life’s biggest joys and breakthroughs.

The breakdown of a dream is hard, stagnation sucks and mistakes are embarrassing, but they are also a part of life.

The life flow I have learnt to be ok with has included years of feeling lost, sometimes career wise, sometimes personally, sometimes in every single area of life. There have been times where I feel like I have gone backwards and some, where I have felt held down.

It is extremely hard when you’re left without an answer or direction.

Whilst it is hard, I now practice surrender. I am learning to ride the wave of it without letting nausea take over, knowing the feeling of being a lost ship does result in turning up on a beach somewhere but that never feels soon enough in the storm.

There is a lot of noise about pushing yourself to be, to do, to define it all and I am over that noise. Turn it off!

I wrote about how sometimes no answer is THE answer, read about it here.

I have learnt that being held down is still leading me somewhere – time will go on and the sun will rise again. The last lull forced me to come back in and find a pause. To be okay with the stillness and uncertainty in direction. And oddly enough only when I found a settled space in myself and surrendered to being there did the new direction appear – it was a

The last lull forced me to come back in and find a pause. To be okay with the stillness and uncertainty in direction. And oddly enough only when I found a settled space in myself and surrendered to being there did the new direction appear – this most recent voyage spanned two long 2 years.

Let’s more wisely recognise that life is all about cycles. Sometimes we will be uncertain, sometimes we will fall, get stuck and not know what it is all about or for.

And that is so very okay.

 

 

 

Photo by Daria Nepriakhina on Unsplash

The Space Between Pursuing Everything and Pursuing Nothing

I find most people are in one of two categories. They are either trying to do everything or nothing much.

There is no right or wrong.

There is no big life rule that says you must push yourself to achieve all you can possibly achieve, nor is there any rule that says you must spend your down time as just that and nothing else.

Yet, we guilt ourselves no matter our situation.

Those chillin cats savouring the fruits of their laborious working hours with slow walks, a good TV series and a number of well read books are watching the busy bees pondering if they should also be striving to achieve in their downtime.

For the busy bees, there is guilt in not achieving enough, fast enough or successfully enough with the flipside guilt they are not getting enough downtime, whilst asking them self, ‘What is the most productive way to have downtime?’

I am a busy bee and I do look on a little enviously at the relaxing downtime of those chillin cats. But I acknowledge I cannot sit still for long periods of time. My ideas would swell inside until I burst.

Just a someone who enjoys their unscheduled downtime should definitely dive into that guilt free.

I appreciate the calm and steadiness someone who can chill brings into my life. I need them. They balance me. Just like I need other busy bees to buzz around with sometimes.

There is no doubt the chilling cats need a buzzer to sometimes pull them along. But they also need times with other chillin cats to be at ease without having to discuss what to do, how to do it or where to go.

The key is losing the guilt and finding your unique flow into one, the other and the spaces in between as it works for you.

It is important to check in with yourself to make sure you are ok; you are not running yourself ragged, nor are you letting life’s dreams float on by.

All in all, being the person you are is the perfect way to be.

There is no guilt in being who you are; a busy bee or a chillin cat – just be you.

 

Photo:  Jorunn Lorenzen

9 Tips to Simplify Stuff

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Reduce rather than reorganise.

Only purchase to replace.

Go home and evaluate what you have got and where you will place it, consider how you will use it and check nothing else could do the job.

Keep clear bench tops and tables, this will help you remain in check about putting everything away and bring about a really enjoyable spacious feeling.

Do a little each day. Clean up one draw, one counter whenever you have 5 minutes spare. Don’t consider where to start, just start with what is closest.

Distance reduces the emotion. If you haven’t used it in 6 months and still cannot bear to part with it, pack it away for a few months and then revisit it.

Forget sales/bargains. Only buy what is on the shopping list. A $1 spent on a $2 item is still a $1 spent and those add up – and double in value when placed on debt.

Crowd out excess shopping with a new intentional hobby.

Consider with intention your TV time, particularly if you have multiple TVs in your home. Redirecting this time also reduces your exposure to commercials which impact our buying significantly.

Instead of trying to stop doing what you don’t want to – crowd it out with more of what you do want to – focus there and arrive.

 

 

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