Rejecting Superwoman – No, I don’t want to do it all

In a day and age when we can do anything and everything we are encouraged to.

We are encouraged to have the education, get a great job, become a mum, go to all the soccer practices, don’t miss a moment in person, captured on video, study some more, stay fit, get out and travel.

We go out and fight for equality, make a stand for what is right in an effort to hold the world together as the caring culture falls apart at the seams, then we come home only to continue leading, holding our selves to account to have a home of care and encouragement as this is the right thing to do and so it must go on our list of required, behaviours and leadership traits in every waking moment.

Oh, and did you fit in there the spiritual retreat, and hire your PT to ensure you remain your best throughout all this and continue chasing your dreams in your spare time.

Well, I think all that noise can piss off – I don’t want it.

Now, I am not saying we shouldn’t make a stand or do or not do any of these examples.

 

But what needs to be said is that trying to do all this is exhausting, wearing us down and stunting our joy.

 

 

The joy that comes from the freedom to explore and chase curiosities – or even have nothing to chase.

The joy from an unplanned day.

The joy in spaces of time and place.

The joy from not having a to-do list that you didn’t get all ticked off so you don’t have the guilt of not getting it all done despite what you did get done.

Sure, I can do it all, but I don’t want to.

 

I want the downtime created by handing over the reigns and maybe not having the most nutritious meal.

I just want to have a Saturday with nothing on so I can fill it with sleeping in, eating breakfast slowly then sip my coffee in the morning sun – with absolutely no pressure.

I want the space in my life to be able to uncoil from all the stress, expectations and demands of the world, and the ones I put on myself.

I don’t want to do it all.

I want to do a couple great things but that is more than enough because I also want space to play and time to ponder.

I acknowledge that my growth, my life and the best future for me will come when I allow it the space to, rather than demand it to with tasks and lists.

 

It is great to know I can do whatever I want – but I don’t want to do it all.

 

I think Superwoman is a great role model for all we can do – but she is better left on the screen for I acknowledge only superhuman powers will enable you to do it all and not break.

And so, with the summer ahead I clear my obligations. I release the reigns and I am sinking into the backseat of life for a while, enjoying the view out the window and letting the warm breeze flow through my hair.

 

Rejection Creates Freedom

Deep in the pit of our heart sits fear of rejection, neatly tucked behind fear of not being enough.

The times we have experienced it.

The fear of refacing it.

That deeply burrowed seed of not being enough.

We convince ourself of perceived rejection, blowing someone else’s fear and rejection – their reactions of hurt – we take and make our own. A cycle arising from not being in touch with what sits behind our fear and so continue the lash out cycle rather than find a way to say what catches in our throat, but doesn’t make it past the lips.

Mostly because we don’t dare acknowledge it.  The fear arises from our heart and our head rejects it, creating anger, rage, frustration, stress as a more tolerable way of letting the energy of it out.

When it arises could we seek to clarify rather than assume?
We often don’t out of fear of true rejection, despite the low chances. We would rather take all the assumed rejection rather than the true 5%. Crazy that we allow our fear to pull in feelings of rejection 95% of the time just because we won’t get out of our own way.

And that 5%. It’s not really there either. That 5% that we did seek to clarify is only someone else’s ideal. It isn’t who we are. But again we give away the power to stand firmly grounded in the truth of doing the best we can, acknowledging all our good intentions. We give away that most precious part of ourselves every day of our life.

You know – we don’t have to accept criticism. We don’t have to take it in.

I struggle with how difficult it is daily to truly live in the spotlight of my magnificent worth.

I know my heart wants so much good for me, sees it in others and strives for it in the world.

If only the doubt monsters didn’t create a daily struggle that pulls on my attention. They are death by a thousand cuts, always nipping at our heels, like the bit of dog shit we cannot quite scrape off, that disgusting smell that lingers.

But, I am practising at having the tough conversations.  I am asking why and all I am finding are reasons that have nothing to do with me, and everything buried in another’s fear of rejection.

And the best bit, rather than be another channel that reinforces their hurt, by asking and clarifying I can give support and love.

Where darkness shadows take a light, not a bat. See what is truly there instead of fighting imagined demons.

Your strength to do so is in the truth of all that is amazing in you-you know it’s there.

Please, join me, let your amazingness come shining out of you, bright enough to help light the darkness of another.

Let’s take a light, not a bat and bring love where there is hurt.

 

 

Photo by Lesley B. Juarez on Unsplash

Minimal Living Beyond Possessions

 

I didn’t just want less stuff.

In fact at my core, embarking on minimalism was about ‘things’ the least.

I had just come out of a very rough patch in life, my heart was broken and my so called life-direction had blown away in the hurricane that followed. I hadn’t been truly in touch with who I was for a good decade and as a result I had no idea what I, as just ‘me’, now wanted out of life.

When I moved on with only essentials I was unconsciously peeling back the layers of the life that had just been dismantled in an effort to try to find ‘me’.

‘Me’  wasn’t something I could tap into easily, or in any short timeframe.  I realised I had to allow the process that time gifts, reveal more of me, one piece at a time.

In the moments of change that left my legs collapsed beneath me, down there on the ground I began to uncover the girl I was once; independent, creative and full of wonder. My joy in being, my excitement for the world and all its people had been tossed aside over the years which I realised was one of my most fulfilling expressions.

The weight that lifted from freeing myself from commitments and possessions provided the opportunity to start exploring how to live the life I had only dreamed of.

The most amazing discovery was that it was only a little bit of readjusting away.

 

We get caught up in what a dream life is. We think it is shooting for the stars and dismiss going for it, when in fact, if we sit down and map it out, it is often just a few short tweeks away.

 

Living intentionally cost me what I thought was hard to give up, but in fact I learnt I was yearning to give up the mindless shop wandering, an overflowing, complicated wardrobe, confusion in self-fulfilment, a bad diet, an unhealthy lifestyle, no time for self development, and the debt that comes with wanting more, rather than appreciating more.

I wanted  peace.

I wanted simplicity.

I wanted days of intention and focus, where peaceful energy flowed.

And, I got all of these and more in return for just making the room for them to arrive.

 

It has been a long journey and I now know it will be a lifelong one. For as we grow and change, so I now know to come back to centre often and check in.

I do stumble, I make mistakes, take wrong turns but I have learnt to make my peace, learn the lesson and forgive myself.

I know in my heart I have a deep love for all others and the fact that I know that is enough.

I didn’t get here overnight and to stay here I continually readjust. There isn’t a destination, intentional living is a journey for me.

 

 

I tell myself it is a journey into the heart of all I could ever hope for – I may get dreams coming true, I may not – but I know fulfilment is in the trying.

 

 

Thanks for being here with me.

 

If this journey interests you, you can read about if further in my book: Five Bedrooms to Five Boxes, Living Simply with Purpose.

How Would Life Be Better With Less

 

The idea that ‘less is more’ is nothing new.

Leonardo da Vinci was quoted as noting ‘simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.’

Yet in a life bombarded daily with advertisements that great minds develop in a way to convince us how unhappy we are without their goods, it is no wonder we have folded to the idea that we need to acquire to feel fulfilled.

The idea of realigning ourselves to what is meaningful can feel like an overwhelmingly large task. A task often put off when we catch a glimpse of the vast valley of despair that has crept in, on top of just not knowing where to start.

I tackled it by chipping away at it over the years and now manage it in maintenance mode, inspired to do so by revisiting what a life with less gives me in return.

A life with less for me isn’t about an empty bench top or a purposeful wardrobe, rather it is about what I can do in a life that is intentional, focused and purposeful.

Once I experienced the fulfilment that flooded into the space left by materialistic concern there was no turning back.

The time has created space for me to write books, become a hiker (later this year I am booked into hike Base Camp of Mt. Everest), I have started UNI and all just by using my spare time, outside my full-time working hours, intentionally.

The fulfilment I have gained from replacing mindless TV watching and shopping with reading, learning, more time with friends and family has the heart and soul of my life dancing on air – so much so there is no consideration of ever wanting to accumulate more of anything, from an object to a commitment.

Becuase once you start filling life with meaningful activities you see your true potential and you suddenly realise you can have it all.

 

The Warrior’s Way

~

Our modern journey carries fragments of our warrior life from long ago.  From the times around a fire, spent celebrating through to the moments where we are alone on a dark, cold night, where the spirit that refuses to sink scratches to our surface and the strength of the world grows into our wings.

When we listen to the earth we remember the ways of the wise one.

That when the battle arises we stand strong.

When we are weary we rest and allow the healers to dress our wounds.

We sense when the battle isn’t ours and turn away.

We protect our hearts, our young and what our family stands for.

We pass on our wisdom giving it strength through sharing, never keeping wisdom a secret.

We know right from wrong and make a stand for justice.

We make personal sacrifices to stay true.

We do the hard work.

We work with the earth and honour the wisdom it brings to aid us on our journey.

We are free and wild yet peacefully focused.

We rise above.

We set clear boundaries and respect those of others.

We don’t settle for anything less than what our heart deserves – we know our worth.

We don’t get caught up in gifting meaning to objects.

We return home when it calls.

We make the kill nature requires of us to survive but also know when to cower.

We reflect on life to learn and grow.

We honour our strengths and respect our weaknesses.

We shine our light for all to see their way and protect it from those with darkness in their eyes.

We are upfront with the reality and do not play into fantasies.

We respect the journey given to us.

We howl at the moon when it calls.

We hibernate when winter knocks.

We are born anew for the spring when it signals our time.

We are fierce yet generous.

We honour the practice.

We let the lost battle soften and cleanse us, as we shed layers of times gone by.

We forgive our human ways and forgive those of others.

The temptations of the world are in our conscious yet we don’t feed them.

We ask ourselves the deeper question and respect our deep emotions.

An ear is always within – intuition is our greatest source of wisdom.

We respect our body but know we are more.

‘I am of this earth, I know I am of all. I seek the moon to remind me that I am you and you are me, and so I remember to bring my open heart always. I know my inner warrior is strongest open, holding a space for love, creating a trail of truth and honour through the power of surrendering to the journey through the wisdom of all that guides whilst embracing the ancient wisdom, always.’

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