We are magnificent, awe inspiring creatures like no other animal alive.
Yet there comes a time when we might not feel ‘enough.’ Not good enough, smart enough, talented enough, etc.
It plagues our deep, dark corners.
Often it isn’t just a passing thought, we buy in and believe these devils on our soul’s shoulder.
We let this fear creep in and disconnect us from our authentic self.
We feed the fear, stoking the fire with every little fall; every relationship that falls apart, every idea that didn’t work out, every time we made a mistake. We find it easier than breathing, to throw something not perfect on the fire of self-doubt.
Yet with all our successes – all the times we gave more than we had, all the times we went above and beyond, delivered, were there for others – we struggle to stack them on our amazing pile.
I too have so easily avoided the inner work in understanding why. I thought I was knowledgeable with all the reading, self-awareness, research long and hard on it all. How wrong I was. I realised that the work inside is something I will need to do forever.
In the book Soul Contracts by Danielle MacKinnon I undertook a few of the exercises. I am more one to sit on the sidelines of worksheets and exercises but a couple in her book pulled me in, and soon I had connected the dots to my own internal unworthy dialogue that went back to my childhood.
I learnt about my deeply buried negative voice, and I was guiding to the work I needed to do most, on my story of me. That every day I was making decisions based on this deeply buried inner dialogue of unworthiness. Decisions as simple as what meal I cooked myself at night and how quickly I give into the requests of others over needs of my own.
These actions were representations of my value in myself. Was I choosing a nutritious meal to nourish my body and mind or was I happy to grab quick and greasy take-away?
Are my choices reaffirming messages of self disrespect through neglecting myself and constantly putting others first?
I have started the long slow process of working on and making peace with my inner demons.
I cannot blame another person in my life for treating me like I am not enough if I don’t treat myself the same way – as I covered in the blog post Treat Yourself Right and the World Will Follow.
I put myself first – Lesson 17 in the 31 Most Important Lessons of my 31 Years.
I am worth the work of making my self care a priority.
Exercise. Nutrition. Sleep. Rest.
If you’re looking for one-on-one guidance in your inner journey head here for my coaching packages.