A Little Coaching Session

The change of seasons brings about a desire to also shed parts of ourselves and an even bigger desire to step into that space we dreaming of seeing ourselves in.

For some of us that space is about:

  • carrying a sense of peace and presence throughout the day,
  • for others it is finding a way to stick to the health/diet change, some will have a dream that they haven’t been quite able to find the pieces that make it all come to life,
  • some are working at their new business but find they cannot quite picture the longer term direction,
  • and some cannot even put their finger on what that feeling is.

I do the work on this once to twice a year for myself and my business where I immerse myself in my own coaching skills and work through, from the unknowing, clarifying and further refining until BAM – I have my next six months to a year clear and right in front of me for my next step to be taken into.

Whilst it is a little difficult to run through a coaching session with you without your answers, I do have a little self-reflection set of questions that provide some key insights if you really sit with them and let the answer unfold. A neat trick I like to use is to ponder the question before bed and then let my subconscious work on it over the night to a few days.  I find the answer emerges in time or that when I revisit the question a new angle comes to into my conscious mind.

These questions each stand alone. Working on all of them all at once will create a bit of a cloudy mix of emotion inside. Instead pick a key one or two at a time to sit with (paired off for you):

What/where are you currently hiding?
What are you losing sight of?

What support do you need right now? How can you get it/ask for it?
What shouldn’t you tolerate, but maybe do? Why?

I really miss…
I want to create …

An answer I am waiting for is…
When I am the situation of … I feel out of alignment with my true self.

What am I escaping…
I am not quite ready to deal with …

My body is craving …
My soul is craving…

It is deep work to come face to face with spaces of ourself we have lost touch with over the chaos of everyday life.  It is amazing of you to take the time to really get back in touch with yourself.

If you are looking to go deep and clarify, check out the Coaching Page for more info.

 

 

 

How Balance in Life is About Boxes

 

The science shows how multitasking isn’t really a thing. Our brains switch quickly from one task to another, yet we are never simultaneously thinking about two separate things at the exact same moment.

So it doesn’t make sense to try to live like we are able to multitask.

Leading a more balanced life isn’t about having two items on the same scale and weighing them equally. It is about only having one item on the scale and allowing it to weigh in fully.

 

I describe this with the metaphor of boxes. Think of all the important areas of your life, like work, family, personal goals, etc, each as their own box. In the ‘family box’ are all the activities that are required for a good, healthy family life.

The key is only having one box open at a time to play in fully and recognising you need to carefully put the lid on one box and store it before pulling out and opening the next.

 

This mental act of putting the box away signifies the space between, also termed the ‘third space’ by Dr Adam Fraser. It is the space between two different tasks/areas of your life, where you reset yourself. In this space between you release all that was going on with the first box, into that box and close the lid. Then ready to be fully present you can open your next box.

I have found and have coached people in using this tool which has proved extremely helpful in stressful situations.  When working on the stressful item, open the box and be fully in that box working on the task to effectively work through it, but when it is time to put it away pack it up fully so you don’t take it with you into other areas of your life.

 

Another consideration is how often each box is coming out. 

It isn’t healthy to spend most of your time in the ‘online world box’ and only short amounts in the ‘sleep box’. Nor can you spend all your time in the ‘work box’ and little in the ‘family box’.

But special projects do come along in life and one box may be out more often than the others for a while. As long as it is balanced in the long run this is healthy.  For example, you may have a large work or personal project you are pouring yourself into for a couple months. But in doing so you know you will dedicate more time to the family later such as scheduling a vacation.

 

To be mindful, present and find more simplicity in these crazy times:

Keep one box open at a time.

Mentally put away the box before opening the next.

Ensure over the medium to longer term all boxes are opened regularly.

 

 

P.S. If you want a ‘social media box’ have one but don’t take it to dinner with you and open it at the table.

Rejection Creates Freedom

Deep in the pit of our heart sits fear of rejection, neatly tucked behind fear of not being enough.

The times we have experienced it.

The fear of refacing it.

That deeply burrowed seed of not being enough.

We convince ourself of perceived rejection, blowing someone else’s fear and rejection – their reactions of hurt – we take and make our own. A cycle arising from not being in touch with what sits behind our fear and so continue the lash out cycle rather than find a way to say what catches in our throat, but doesn’t make it past the lips.

Mostly because we don’t dare acknowledge it.  The fear arises from our heart and our head rejects it, creating anger, rage, frustration, stress as a more tolerable way of letting the energy of it out.

When it arises could we seek to clarify rather than assume?
We often don’t out of fear of true rejection, despite the low chances. We would rather take all the assumed rejection rather than the true 5%. Crazy that we allow our fear to pull in feelings of rejection 95% of the time just because we won’t get out of our own way.

And that 5%. It’s not really there either. That 5% that we did seek to clarify is only someone else’s ideal. It isn’t who we are. But again we give away the power to stand firmly grounded in the truth of doing the best we can, acknowledging all our good intentions. We give away that most precious part of ourselves every day of our life.

You know – we don’t have to accept criticism. We don’t have to take it in.

I struggle with how difficult it is daily to truly live in the spotlight of my magnificent worth.

I know my heart wants so much good for me, sees it in others and strives for it in the world.

If only the doubt monsters didn’t create a daily struggle that pulls on my attention. They are death by a thousand cuts, always nipping at our heels, like the bit of dog shit we cannot quite scrape off, that disgusting smell that lingers.

But, I am practising at having the tough conversations.  I am asking why and all I am finding are reasons that have nothing to do with me, and everything buried in another’s fear of rejection.

And the best bit, rather than be another channel that reinforces their hurt, by asking and clarifying I can give support and love.

Where darkness shadows take a light, not a bat. See what is truly there instead of fighting imagined demons.

Your strength to do so is in the truth of all that is amazing in you-you know it’s there.

Please, join me, let your amazingness come shining out of you, bright enough to help light the darkness of another.

Let’s take a light, not a bat and bring love where there is hurt.

 

 

Photo by Lesley B. Juarez on Unsplash

Life IS About Feeling Unsure, Uncertain and Afraid

Let’s embrace the reality.

We are unsure.

We are afraid.

Most of us don’t have a single defining purpose, and that is what is real and true.

I am asked what I want to be still at 34 years of age like each change is supposed to be heading my ‘life/career/hobbies’ in a specific direction.

For me, life does have other plans and rather than get frustrated when my initial direction takes a turn I have learnt more wisely to enjoy the ride. These unexpected turns have led to some of life’s biggest joys and breakthroughs.

The breakdown of a dream is hard, stagnation sucks and mistakes are embarrassing, but they are also a part of life.

The life flow I have learnt to be ok with has included years of feeling lost, sometimes career wise, sometimes personally, sometimes in every single area of life. There have been times where I feel like I have gone backwards and some, where I have felt held down.

It is extremely hard when you’re left without an answer or direction.

Whilst it is hard, I now practice surrender. I am learning to ride the wave of it without letting nausea take over, knowing the feeling of being a lost ship does result in turning up on a beach somewhere but that never feels soon enough in the storm.

There is a lot of noise about pushing yourself to be, to do, to define it all and I am over that noise. Turn it off!

I wrote about how sometimes no answer is THE answer, read about it here.

I have learnt that being held down is still leading me somewhere – time will go on and the sun will rise again. The last lull forced me to come back in and find a pause. To be okay with the stillness and uncertainty in direction. And oddly enough only when I found a settled space in myself and surrendered to being there did the new direction appear – it was a

The last lull forced me to come back in and find a pause. To be okay with the stillness and uncertainty in direction. And oddly enough only when I found a settled space in myself and surrendered to being there did the new direction appear – this most recent voyage spanned two long 2 years.

Let’s more wisely recognise that life is all about cycles. Sometimes we will be uncertain, sometimes we will fall, get stuck and not know what it is all about or for.

And that is so very okay.

 

 

 

Photo by Daria Nepriakhina on Unsplash

Endings are not the Point

One of my favourite philosophers Jason Silva muses in this capture of awe about the impermanence of love.

I see this hesitation, deliberation, almost a reason not to – at the impermanence of things by many in this world yet it has me baffled.

Baffled because it is all so very impermanent. Because impermanence is all there is.

Life is impermanent yet we live it anyway.

The rollercoaster is impermanent, we ride it anyway.

Love can definitely be impermanent but it comes with the opportunity to experience our greatest natural intoxication of bliss, connection and joy.

We go to sleep to rest and restore, only to get up and wear out, rinse, repeat.

I don’t stay in bed all day thinking, how impermanent the moment may be so why bother? What an odd contemplation.

For me, impermanence is the fuel, not the extinguisher.

I know I have limited time so yes I will love with every fibre of my being. And yes I have lost love and had my heart broken. Am I bitter, turned off or hesitant to love again pondering the point – no way. I don’t have that kind of time to spare in this one precious life. Afterall, the grieving and heartbreak following a break-up will last long enough. Once I have recovered and am ready I want to experience again.

Everything in life is a cycle. There will always be an up and always a down.  There is a coming together and moving apart, sometimes this means endings, sometimes it just signals a new cycle within a larger one.

At the end of the day, life is about living it. Losing yourself in it. Going in so deep the bigger picture is a blur around the edges.

The only things we will regret are the unknowns, what we didn’t try to know what the outcome was.

So yes I love again, live again, have good days, bad days, progress and stagnate – I respect it is all part of this wonderful, magnificent journey and invite you to dive in too.

Ponder, but then blur the edges of the big picture and go in deep. I’ll see you at the surface again in due course but you have to see what is down there for yourself.

Photo by Felix Russell-Saw on Unsplash

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 20 |